Lost then found…

The step from pre-baby to Mummy is huge! Daunting! In fact, and Iv said it before, the hardest yet best job in the world! Trying to adjust to this whole new life change takes a lot of time and patience. Actually, 7 months on and I think I am only just adjusting! 

Now I use the word ‘adjusting’ very carefully. For months and months after Spencer was born all I could think about was my pre-baby life and my pre-baby self. When was this all going to come back? During the feeds, nappy changes, sleepless nights just generally having this little human being taking up every second…I lost me. I forgot what it felt like to sleep for longer than 3 hour stretches, or to have a box set marathon duvet day, or to eat a meal without quickly rushing it or eating it cold hours later. I lost my identity if you like, I wasn’t too sure where I was going in life other than being Mum and although I absolutely love my role as being Mum (more than anything!!) I needed something else to aspire too. Surely my life isn’t just changing nappies, sterilising bottles and not sleeping is it!?

OF COURSE IT ISN’T!!…..

After months of feeling lost, not really knowing who I was and waiting for the pre-baby me to come back again… Who would have thought I would miss the structured routine of getting up for work!! …I woke up! Like a smack in the face, it hit me! She isn’t going to come back. Yes, it may be slightly depressing that pre-baby you has disappeared and you may take some time to grieve for her.. BUT.. the new improved you is here now and she is super Mum!! 

So here is a non-filtered real pic of the new me. With my ‘who cares’ pose, bags under my eyes, still slightly damp hair (god forbid I use the hairdryer while Spencer is sleeping!), eyebrows which have now disappeared it’s been so long since Iv had them done, no make-up… me! 

How is this the new improved version you might ask… well despite the ‘exhausted Mum look’ I now have, a ‘Mum belly’ – C-section scar included, and a hole where I used to have a belly piercing (ok, a part of the old me I am hoping to get back!). Behind all of these not so positives is an even happier version of pre-baby me (and I was pretty damn happy before Spencer!). 

Now I have come to terms with the fact that pre-baby me has gone and I have grieved over her. (We had some amazing times!)…I can start enjoying the new improved super Mum version and it feels great! I know exactly who I am, not only am I Mum and eternally grateful to hold that title, I am also Lau and my own person too. I am lucky enough to have a beautiful healthy little boy that I get to spend as much time as I possibly can with. Each day I spend with him I learn something new either about myself or his outgoing personality which is forming. I can look at him (and I do 1000000 times a day) and think ‘I created that’ and pride completely takes over my body. I am also lucky to have my supportive partner and Dad to Spencer. My amazing Mum who helps me with something big or small daily! My crazy Sister who I couldn’t go an hour without talking too! In fact, I am lucky enough to have so many family members who are all absolutely amazing I would be here all day if I went on! (Dad, Rach, Carol, Gary & Nikki). Not only family but my bestest girl KD who has been an absolute rock along side my girls Lau, Holly & Courts. – Anyway, before this turns into one big ‘shout out’ the point is, although I have always appreciated these people, the new me has realised even more how important to me they are! The new me has realised I am fully happy in myself knowing that I am Mum and I am going to own that title and put my all into it! The new me has realised that for me the most important thing in life is health, happiness, friends and family, and guess what…I have all four!!!

So in a nutshell… If there are any Mum’s out there going through the ‘Who am I’ ‘Where is the old me gone’ stage – because you will! Just remember, this feeling is temporary and yes, your life has completely changed and done a full 360 and no, your pre-baby self won’t come back BUT your new improved super Mum persona is waiting just around the corner and she’s awesome!

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